Seems every year around this time i toss out a long-winded "I Hate Christmas" post, and every year i get someone telling (not asking) me "how can you hate christmas!". It swings from the usual hipster anti-capitalism crap to a teeth-rattling reaction to the sound of jingle bells, but this year i have bona-fides! I can't tell you how excited i am to report that two nights ago i fell out of bed, completely unable to breathe.
I staggered from the bedroom to the kitchen, where i opened the back door and stuck my head out into the freezing night, gasping for air. When my throat calmed down and re-opened, i meandered my way around the apartment looking for a place where i could breathe. Bedroom, studio, dining room, bathroom...all left me with this bizarre, throat-closing feeling. I tried the kitchen floor with the door open, but that got cold...and tile-y. Finally i ended up sleeping in the hallway outside our apartment.
When Lori found me (after i startled the neighbor by saying "GOOD MORNING!" while buried within the comforter in a pile in front of the door), we did some detective work. Lori theorized the culprit was the christmas tree we'd bought two nights before. It was the only new addition to the house, and it was putting out a lot of piney type fumes. This theory has panned out as since we tossed the tree in the alley, my throat has slowly re-opened and last night was the first night of uninterrupted sleep i've had all week.
So it's official. I am allergic to christmas.
Other tidbittles:
1) According to tunecore, I have made exactly 33 bucks selling my album online. It breaks down thusly:
-Total Songs bought: 34
By Contrast:
-Downloads of
video of me playing "Your Body Is A Wonderland" on the accordian (in my underpants: 39
-Views of the
Official BRS Sex Tape: 27,038 in 9 months
-Number of people who get the "Mick Jagger/T-Rex"
thing if i do it in public: 17 (approximate).
Not bad.
Plus, there's a new secret santa out there. Tom's package was awesome (get your mind out the gutter!), so we here at the Scotty Iseri Media Empire tossed out another'n!
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